Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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