They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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