I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
