why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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