so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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