I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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