Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize