you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize