there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
