Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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