Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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