I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
