My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize