my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
