The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
