did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
