I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
