There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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