I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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