I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
