Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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