this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
