If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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