well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
