Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
