I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
