apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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