I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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