whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
