Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
