She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I believe in your delicious
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