i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
