Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
