can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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