you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
