I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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