i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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