Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
