Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
