they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
