You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
