Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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