I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
