Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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