He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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