I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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