so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
