people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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