I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
