Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize