went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
