How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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