So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
