love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
