dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
