Do you still have your period?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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