Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize