a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
