that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
