when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I want her autograph on my taint
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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