btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
