i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize