I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
