i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
