Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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