he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
