One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
