if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
