She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
